My Story

The breaking point

It was a few months after my wedding. I was laying in bed on Christmas Eve, next to my wonderful husband, staring blankly at the ceiling. How did I get here? One of the most amazing years of my life came and went, but where had I been? A familiar feeling of panic started to come on strong. Hello old friend - anxiety reared its ugly head. 

In that moment, I realized the year I’d spent planning my wedding was a complete blur. I could hardly remember a thing, aside from the self-imposed stress I experienced while picking between varieties of napkins and flatware. I felt guilty as I stared at my husband. This wasn’t just about me anymore, it was also about him. I wanted to be the best version of myself not only for me, but for us, and the life we were going to share. I felt rotten knowing that the year that marked our union was clouded by my lack of presence. Even worse, I realized the only thing that truly made me happy was him, and without the purpose of planning our wedding, I felt totally lost.

When I started looking at my life, I realized how far I had strayed from my truth, and how much I’d been living my life for others. From my education to my career, my decisions were always made to secure approval and follow the typical linear path set out by society. Even my leisure time was jam-packed with commitments. I was incapable of saying “no”. I was so concerned with meeting others’ expectations that I never thought to stop and check if I approved of myself. It was pure chaos.

In the time I carved out for myself, I wandered from one thing to the next, looking for peace and satisfaction in jobs, shopping, relationships, even partying, but I knew these were not solutions because the happiness associated with all of these was fleeting. However, despite my awareness and desire for change, I felt trapped. I feared change and wasn’t convinced I could escape this pattern. My track record told me so: I never finished anything I started because I was so afraid of failing that I usually quit before the possibility occurred - I played small, and my self-sabotage saw no bounds. Worst of all: to the outside world, I seemed perfectly happy and successful. I was suffering in silence. Since I’d spent my whole life shutting out my needs and emotions, I didn’t even know how to ask for help, let alone accept it when it was offered. I felt totally alone.

What is the answer? My anxiety struck again. I was sick and tired of feeling stuck in the same place. Often, this is what it takes to really commit to change: becoming sick of yourself. And, I was.

I took a breath. I closed my eyes. I turned within. I exhaled and allowed myself to feel everything. What is the answer?

I felt my mind begin to swirl and that’s when it dawned on me: “Love” - a disembodied voice? My mind? Didn’t matter. It got my attention. I felt my body tingle.

Love? I suppose I could try that. So, 4:00 am and there I was, naming all the things I loved – everything from my husband to pasta, Stevie Nicks to yoga. When I finished, I sat in stillness, trying to connect to gratitude. That was the point of this exercise, right? Wrong. I felt it again: “Love yourself.”

I froze for a minute or twenty. Love yourself? It finally dawned on me: what I was really lacking in my life wasn’t anything I could find outside of myself, it was ME I was seeking.

I was seeking an existence where I no longer felt the need to grapple for control. I was seeking the freedom that comes with complete self-acceptance. I was seeking authentic self-expression. I was seeking sovereignty. I was seeking a connection to my SOUL. And I realized to forge this connection, I would have to go deep.

The minute I turned my attention to healing myself was when everything started to really fall apart. That’s when my true spiritual journey began. I can look back now and confirm that what was really happening was my healing.

Healing from the inside out

Healing is serious business. It’s messy, it hurts and at times it can be difficult to see the light. The deeper I went, the more I discovered, but for the first time in years, I felt deeply connected to my needs. As I started to break down the layers I built around my true essence, I started to access my intuition.

I recalled that, from a young age, I felt connected to spirits and energy, but over the years, as I encountered trauma, I blocked myself from this connection. This is when I realized that spirituality and healing go hand in hand, and that we are ALL spiritual beings.

Since I’d spent my entire life putting pressure on myself to figure everything out, I lacked trust in myself and in Spirit. It never occurred to me that the Universe could work for me and not “against me” as my victim-mentality had me believe. I soon discovered that the Universe simply holds up a mirror, and that when we change the way we show up in the world, magical shifts begin to occur.

My mission

I know what you’re feeling because I’ve felt it too. I’ve encountered the same fear and anxiety, the same helplessness and the same desperate desire for change. I’m here to let you know it’s possible and to support you in the process:

You can heal.

You can transform.

You can create a life you love & it all starts within.